So I'm not sure how I was able to do this, but one day, my best friend Allie and I were able to text each other for close to 6 hours throughout our day. Serious! I was texting her on the eliptical and in between reps at the gym, texting her ta stop lights (I don't text and drive, thank you), texting her during lunch and even texting her before and after meditation. The whole conversation was about religion. I have to admit I am having a bit of trouble fully letting go of all of my Christian upbringing....why? Because we (Christians) have basically been taught that if we do not follow Christianity we are going to hell. Isn't that funny, though? That out of everything, the years of Christian School, youth groups, Bible studies, missionary trips, Christian youth conferences- the main thing that is sticking to me about Christianity is the whole fire and brimstone aspect?
Well back to the thought at hand, so basically one of the biggest challenges in dealing with trying on other religions, is the whole faith thing. I used to have that shit down in spades. I was over flowing with faith and felt as though I were filled with God's love even if I found myself disagreeing with parts of the Bible. Then I met more than a few Christians who turned God's love into hate and used it put others down. Christians that would claim to be filled with love and compassion and their actions would show the exact opposite to people who didn't fit their mold of what a person should be. It was disgusting, saddening and the worst part is that this wasn't just one or two or five or ten people this has easily been more than half of the Christians I have associated with my entire life. Just look at Westboro Baptist Chruch! They exploit the Bible to spread a message of hate...and I admit, they are an exaggerated version of the hypocritical Christians I have met, but their message is practically the same as Jerry Falwell's message shortly after 9/11 that we were attacked because of feminists, gays and the ACLU:
"I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People For the American Way, all of them who have tried to secularize America. I point the finger in their face and say 'you helped this happen.'"
-Jerry Falwell
Now I am well aware that not all Christians are like this fat hateful turd. Up until I started this project, I identified myself as a Christian and enjoyed the company of good Christians. But this man is a REVEREND- a proclaimed man of God who is basically taking the message of God and perverting it into a message of hate and spoon feeding it to thousands.
So Allie suggested that in order to help me on my journey, I needed to find my basic, personal spiritual truths. Sounds easy, enough? Nope it isn't. This conversation was weeks ago and I have MAYBE come up with two truths. But maybe that is all I need.....
PERSONAL TRUTH 1: GOD IS LOVE
1 John 4:8 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This has been my favorite Bible verse for at least the past 10 years. God's love is pure beautiful and unconditional...always compared to the love a parent has for a child. I didn't understand that analogy until I became a parent. The love I have for my son is consuming. He is always in my thoughts. I would do anything for him to keep him well and happy. My biggest goal for him is to be HAPPY and to be a GOOD PERSON.
It would be extremely arrogant to flat out compare the love I have for my son to the love God has for me. God....well God is freaking God and I am imperfect- filled with selfish wants and desires that all people have anf the narcissim that seems to be just a normal attribute of an American. But using a parent's love as template- I KNOW that God loves me, no matter what religion they may be a part of.....God loves me when I am on my rag and so hormonal I could literally murder someone. God loves me when I am without make up and have my hair up in a knot. God loves me when I am flustered, frustrated and at wit's end. God loves me when I feel like I have fucked up beyond repair and like a good parent, God will give me the strength to get through it. With that love, I don't think that God wants me to conform to everyone else...if God did, we never would've had free will. I think God wants me to learn, grow and be a HAPPY, GOOD PERSON.
So if God loves me so much...why would God banish me to a eternity of hell fire? Buddhists don't believe in Hell and neither do Hindus. In fact, Hindus can't understand how an all powerful loving God would send someone to hell for eternity. Even Muslims have some debate over the whole status of Hell....most of them believe Hell is a temporary place to atone for sins...Kind of like being grounded. It sucks when it happens, but it isn't forever. Because God is loving, God is compassionate, God is merciful.
So the hell aspect is still something to question....but I KNOW in my heart, in my bones, at the very core of my existance that God is LOVE.
This is the only truth I can really put to paper....The others I can't seem to find the words for yet...But when I do, I'll be sure to announce them to the world.
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