Month 1 as a Hindu.

Where's the beef?

I don't know but I want some!!!

I have to admit that being a Hindu is pretty freaking easy if you remember one basic thing- God is in EVERYTHING.

Hinduism is also a lot more cosmic then I would've imagined, like perhaps my past life actually took place in the future (because time isn't linear). Yea. Doesn't that shit blow your mind? Nacho said that Hinduism seems to have a lot of parallels with his religion (trust me, I will totally make him fill me in more on what he calls "That old time American Indian religion" since I can't technically participate....being a white chick and all).

Giving up beef sucks, I can only eat so many chicken sandwiches, but at least the Giant near my house has bison meat so I don't have to go without spaghetti.

When I'm not just trying to get out of the house on time, I do practice a Puja ritual. I wake up, do some yoga, meditate, shower and then prepare my breakfast setting aside an offering on the fireplace mantle.....So the first time I did this, I was going to give my offering to my little Buddha statue that I got on a trip to Hawaii five years ago....but....Loki hid it somewhere. So I'm running around the house looking for my little Buddha statue (and at this point I am fucking starving because I'm not supposed to eat until I've performed the other parts of the ritual). Dad and Nacho seem to be just loving this, by the way. Then Nacho says, "Does it have to be Buddha?"

No. It doesn't. This is one of the other things I love about Hinduism- their belief that there are many ways to spiritual enlightenment and their tolerance for other religions. Hindus don't believe that their religion is the "right" religion. It is simply the path that they choose to take for spiritual fullfillment (AWESOME, right?!). So after hunting through the house, I found a crucifix with a tiny Jesus on it. So I made my offering to Jesus (and for the rest of the day, my Step Mom kept asking why there was an over easy egg on the mantle and when could she throw it away).

So then, I decided to take the drive up to College Park to check out the DC Metropolitan area Hindu Temple, Nacho agreed to tag along for moral support (and I think it was mostly because he was bored and had nothing better to do). This temple was so beautiful!!!! We entered and saw that we had to take our shoes off before entering the actual temple. So I did....Nacho bitched a bit about how his shoes better not get stolen but he took his shoes off too. Then we walked into the main area and I was blown away by how beautiful it was inside as well. All around were statues of the Gods and at the front was an altar with larger statues of certain gods (like Buddha and Rama). And in the corner was a man playing drums with his hands. He stopped shortly after we walked in, and tried to explain a bit about the temple to us (of course there was a tad bit of a language barrier). Then he stepped upon the alter and handed us each a tiny ball shaped yellow pastry and told us it was an offering for good health and prosperity. Moments later a girl (probably in her late teens), entered a placed an offering of fruit on the altar. "Fuck," I said to myself, "I didn't bring an offering...oh well, next time."

Then we stepped out, a put our shoes back on, pastries still in our hand. As I look at the temple's upcoming events on their bulletin board, I take a bite of the pastry ball thing and then Nacho leans in, "I think you were supposed to offer that to the Gods."

My mouth is full of pastry (it really was quite good), "Nuh-unh!"

"Yea. I think he gave it to us to give to the Gods."

"Well then why the fuck didn't you give it to the Gods?!"

"I don't know...I'm not Hindu."

"Dammit, Nacho!!!! You are supposed to tell me shit like that! Did I just offend them?"

"I don't know. Maybe."

"FUCK!"

So...I may have pissed off that drummer guy....I may have pissed off the Gods. I'm still not too sure. But so far I like being Hindu. It's a very beautiful religion....but I totally miss eating beef, but perhaps my body is better off without the red meat? I'm not sure. We will see with this next month. Personally, I think Buddhism is the one that's going to stick with me. But we will see : )

My 4th (and final week) As a Scientologist

So this week, I acomplished a Scientology rite of passage and recieved the answers to my personality test. I had taken this test on January 3rd but now I was discovering the answers. Kiel had called me that morning from Afghanistan, and when I mentioned to him I was going to learn the results of my personality test, he answered, "Oh? So you are going to find out your depressed, huh?" (which is a reflection of the South Park episode where they take on Scientology). I laughed it off because I was honestly excited to learn the results of my test. I'm not depressed (I do suffer from anxiety attacks, though). So I dropped Loki off with Krissi and headed into DC.

So I went up to the fourth floor of the building and met again with Austin, who pulled up my results. Guess what it said? Yup. I'm fucking depressed and didn't even know it (go on all you South Park fans, have a chuckle). According to Oxford Capacity Analysis, I am depressed, easily influenced by my surroundings (that might be true), anxious (yea) and not compassionate (fucking seriously? then what would my mother and Kiel score for that?). I promise as soon as I get my car back from the VW dealership I will scan and post the actual test results page BTW. Then Austin reccomended a shit load of classes that (for a nominal fee) would help me with my problems. About 5 different classes. $50 a pop. You do the math.

Then I went down to the study room to do more studying and was greeted by She Who Constantly Blows Up My Fucking Phone. She made some snide comment about my not being by in a while. So when she asked me if I had any questions....I did. The Dianetics Book says that the reactive mind can be physically located during autopsy, but it doesn't say where it is located. What lobe of the brain is this evil horrible thing that causes people to be sad and act foolishly? So I asked her. She fumbled through her copy of Dianetics for a moment and then showed me a page that said the reactive mind was located within each cell....So each cell has a mind? What does it look like? Where are the pictures/ graphs? WHERE IS THE EVIDENCE?  I understand that religion is faith and that faith must be something that is blind but if this is something that can be physically proven then prove it! She couldn't. I stayed for only half an hour and got out of there.

I was scheduled to take a Dianetics Seminar that following weekend. This was to better help me understand the book that I was being harrased to come by a study more. By this point I was just so freaking done with it. Seriously- Go to a seminar all weekend for almost 12 hours a day? Leave Loki for that long on the weekend without even the hopes of being intoxicated? So the night before (a Friday), Krissi, Nacho and I went to La Tolteca for dinner and the next night I had plans to go out with Krissi and Jessica since Jess was in town for the weekend. As we are driving to the restaurant, I get a call. It's from Jim, the man leading the seminar that weekend. He wanted to confirm I would be there and told me to make sure to get plenty of sleep and not to drink any alcohol. I said "Sure thing." And got off the phone.

Guess who had a BIG ASS MARGARITA at dinner that night? This girl right here.

When I got home that night, I went into the Moms' room and talked to them about this. "Mom....I really don't want to go to this seminar. I don't feel like I'm getting anything out of this."

"Then why are you going?"

".....my journey, I guess."

"Krys, if you know that this isn't for you, then you know it isn't for you. Would a seminar make that big of a difference?"

As I laid in bed that night, playing around on my laptop, listening to Loki's lullabies over his baby monitor, I came across a very disturbing website with even more disturbing articles. This website contained a Penthouse 1983 article with L. Ron Hubbard Jr. that really disturbed me (talks of abortion obsessions, drugs, money, beatings, blackmail, Satanism) and then there was a similar article from a Paulette Cooper who wrote "The Scandal Behind Scientology,"  in 1968 and was sued, harrassed and slandered (allegedly) by the church for 15 years.

Guess who didn't go to the seminar?

Guess who still gets calls from Scientologists?

Guess who is so not a Scientologist?

THIS GIRL RIGHT HERE!

Now on to being Hindu.