Ok....so I'm not expecting to find some religion that is completely and totally perfect....oh fuck it....YES I AM! I want to find MY religion and MY religion needs to suit MY needs and reflect my goals. I need to feel the awe, the inspiration, the contentment from knowing that I am at ease with my where I have placed my spirituality. I want to feel like I am a part of something bigger than me and bigger than anyone else on this Earth, while at the same time being something that connects us all. I want to feel something that is good, something that is pure, natural and beautiful without having to force it.
With Hinduism, as much as I loved it, I had to force it. With Kiel being overseas, I barely had anytime for my puja ritual because my time was devoted to Loki and to my internship with the Democratic National Committee and with the nearest temple 45 minutes away (although Hindus are only required to visit the temple sporadically) it was difficult to find time to get there and when I did there....frankly there was a cultural divide. Also, there were ideologies in Hinduism that I just couldn't wrap my head around. The Caste System and it's relation to Hinduism, the breaking down of women (which seems to be the norm with most religions...I'm looking forward to experiencing a more female centered religion like Wicca), the rituals....It's just too much for me.
Not to say that I didn't like it. I loved it's open stance towards other religions and for the most part the philosophy was beautiful and full of tolerance and acceptance...but it just didn't feel like me. You know the feeling? Where you like something and maybe it likes you, but it just isn't meant to be no matter how hard you wish it was. Well that's me and Hinduism. I liked it and I really wanted it to work out and be the religion for me, but it just didn't give me that awe, that inspiration that I'm craving. It felt more like a fun learning project...which I guess it is...but the core of this project is for me to try on different religions and perhaps see if there is a religion that is perfect for me out there....one that can satisfy my need for spirituality, keep up with my social perspectives and fit into my hectic schedule....or am I asking too much?
