Day 3 of Ramadan 7:01

I'm not supposed say "evil words," so to be safe, I'm not writing them either, but know that many many F words are running through my head right now.

I want to just bury my face in that pureed advocado (for the chicken salad sandwiches I made for dinner, that Kiel already ate and told me it was wonderful) after I down about a liter of ice cold water. I drank a little bit of water earlier. As soon as I swallowed it, all I could think was "fuck." and when trying to get Loki to eat a piece of cheese I sort of ate a bite. I'll have to make sure to ask Allah for forgiveness for that when I'm actually supposed to break my fast in 40 minutes. I'll make sure to find something to donate to the poor as well...that is supposed to help if you break the fast or something...I'm not sure I'm reading a lot of different things.

What made today different than the other days though? My early morning breakfast was yogurt, which varied from my usual cheerios breakfast, but the calorie count is supposed to higher in the yogurt I had.... I took Loki to day care and went in to OFA today, as opposed to staying home and play, and so I wasn't able to lounge around and read my Koran during his nap like I have been. Perhaps just going out and such was too much, because there were moments when I would get up or when I ran up the stairs where I kind of felt like I got up too fast and would see spots. So perhaps, according to some things I have been reading, it was Allah that provoked me to eat/drink? I don't know. Crap this is hard. I have 18 minutes until the fast is supposed to be over now. All of this stuff I read is so contradictory. Allah doesn't want to harm us, yet we can't take medications (like asthma inhalers) when fasting, or have injections? My head is swarming because all I can think of is how thirsty I am and how badly I am ready to have dinner, my stomach feels as though it is literally cramping upon itself. I think so much more clearly after I eat and I'm better able to do my chores around the house because I don't feel so run down.

Now I feel like a total vagina. Seriously. How can these people in the middle east, who are dealing with conditions similar to mine in Las Vegas, be able to complete Ramadan while I fall prey to piece of cheese and a gulp of water?!?!?!?!

Well I guess I'm just human...I'll try again tomorrow.